I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
