I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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