bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
