Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
