Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
