Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
