The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So vagazzling was a success
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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