I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
