yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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