p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
