you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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