Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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