do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
