I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
