Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
