Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
