guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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