Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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