3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
