I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
