In the future we'll all be gay
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
