dude i'm inner monologue high
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
