And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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