Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
