R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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