i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
