So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
