Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
