She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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