I want to walk on stilts...naked
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sorry about my life...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
