Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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