its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
