i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
