Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i've created a new STD.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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