pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
