suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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