i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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