Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
