wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this must be what syphilis tastes like
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
