he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
