Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
