areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
