I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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