Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
