i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
