Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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