Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
