Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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