Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
