At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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