ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
